The Man With the Iron Fists Review

             This movie made me come up with a whole new rating , which I will bestow upon you guys when I am through with this review. Thank you RZA, You created a rating for this Blog...

The Man With the Iron Fists 

                What can I say about 'The Man With the Iron Fists' ...I can say that a lot of critics were waaaay too nice to the film. I won't mention names but there were legitimate critics throwing this in the category of mindless action movies...oh were they wrong. This movie is mindless alright, and you do have to suspend your belief when you watch it but where movies like the Die Hards('Die Hards' 1-4, I might add. Die Hard 5, wait in line I got something to say to your shitty ass.), where these movies got it right, I am sorry RZA, you got it wrong. Now before the cult followers of this movie get out their trolling keyboards I will say, yes, there are good elements to this movie, yes there are good ideas and good back stories involved in what you see. The major problem with "TMWTIF" is that the movie is basically all over the damn place. There is no reason in hell that an Anime Fan, Karate Fan, Action Movie Fan, and a movie goer that really wants to see more Minority Heroes on film should get all of the above in a package and...(inhale, exhales) LOOK AT MY WATCH CONTINUOUSLY! Did you hear everything I listed? This movie has all the right ingredients to be something REALLY cool and falls flat on its face in a bad way.

The Cast and Crew 

 Before I go on, let us get into the review.'The Man With The Iron Fist' is written and Directed by the Robert Fitzgerald Diggs, better known by his Rap name, 'The RZA'. (Yes The Rizza, not R.Z.A, or Rzzzaaah). The movie's cast includes Lucy Lu, and Russell Crowe.  This is the RZA's first time writing a screenplay, and also the very first time directing. I'm not saying that as an excuse for the problems in this movie but I can say that he is not a Horrible Director, there are others who easily make worse movies than this far into their career. But the RZA is in line to direct 2 movies that should release in 2015, Genghis Khan, and No Man's Land. I am hoping that these movies will be better, I don't want to use one of my favorite artist as a reference for bad movies in the future.

The Story 

                 The story is basically about a clan of bad asses want to go to a town and steal some ancient gold to be rich and take over the universe. They all go to this Blacksmith who is the best in the country and use his weapons to do some damage to respectable people. The Blacksmith (played by the Robert Diggs) feels obligated to step up for his town and for self redemption and then we have our movie. Now, while the information I told you sounds pretty straight forward, the story is given to you in various doses of WTFness. You are introduced to characters in the strangest order and it is honestly hard to see who the main character is. You only are reminded that this story is the 'Blacksmiths' story by his speeches throughout the movie. When characters that are connected to the main characters and their world are killed, you really don't feel in the least bit upset. People die, the character reacts, and this is your face    :l   You have no interest in the story because of the way it is presented, so you have to rely  on the action for your entertainment.
The action...is pretty good. I will say that the fight choreography is surprisingly fun to watch...when it is happening. The Man with the Iron Fists is about 2 and a half hours of maybe six story based fight scenes. Yes some of these fight scenes are really cool, they are gruesome, fun to watch, but VERY CG bloody. There is so much CG blood that I honestly think that The RZA was going for a PG13 movie for the child audience, but someone upstairs on the Big Chair said that Kids won't go to see it. Other than the gripes I mention above, I will say that the action is fun to watch.

The Performances 

                  OK RZA this was your first script, and judging this script against others in the mindless action genre I can say that it holds up. Yes, this script was better than Battleship's, but that is not something to be proud of. While dialogue was not horrible, but it was CHEESY, the story was all over the place, therefore, the script was all over the place. There are still parts where people talk to each others and you get it, they don't say unreal or unnecessary things. There is, however, a big problem with the voice acting, And the Lip acting.  Yes people there are audio dubbed characters. When you use an Audio dubbed actor, you have to make sure they have one of two qualifications....Make sure they can kick some serious ass on film, and make sure their lips look like they are forming the actual words! At first I thought the audio-dubb was on purpose like 'Kung Pao' but....(click on the video above for me, I want to project that face palm to you)  characters are obviously mouthing the English words. The mouth movements are so bad that you try to focus on other things to stay into the movie, things like the bad costumes, or the REALLY bad wigs. Those wigs are bad. The wigs looked like the costume team mugged a couple of DBZ Cosplayers and just dyed the wigs brown with grey streaks. No Kidding, you will see a Trunks Cosplay wig. "If you don't know what DBZ is or who Trunks is...shame on you"
So let us get to the rating.

The Rating 

I want this to be special because The RZA created a new Rating for Future movies with this. Now If I have to take all the problems and good things about The Man With the Iron Fists, and compare them to the wonderful wold of taste, I  could only go with one thing. Have you ever went to the house of a good friend or relative. You get into the house, you get situated and the mom or lady of the house INSISTS that you sit down to dinner with them. You, being the great person that you are, know that you have to have dinner with the family. You sit down and there is a plate full of...stuff. It is not bad stuff, it is not good, it is simply too damn much. And you know you have to eat all of it to look like a good friend or family member. You wont be satisfied, you'll just be full and uncomfortable. That will be your feeling if you have a friend with...some... mental... deficiency who thinks this movie is awesome, makes you sit through this movie. If you don't fall asleep, you will feel like you filled your mind with unnecessary information. Since there are good qualities to the movie I will have to tack one standard rating to it. The Man With the Iron Fist IS:
Bland- Needs more seasoning
and, The New Rating That is awarded to our Iron Fisted blacksmith.....

Fattening!

&

Needs More Seasoning

yeah, this was a Sumo Serving of Bland Rice!!!